Tuesday, December 5, 2006

The Billboard Music Awards

I watched the Billboard Music awards last night, did you?

I have some comments to make... mostly of the snarky variety, if you don't mind.

Janet Jackson started the show with a song and dance number, and this time, she didn't have any wardrobe malfuntions... which is a shame, because her act really sucked. Why can't singers just sing? The answer, I believe, is that because if you are a really mediocre singer (like Janet) you had better have something else going for you. Not only is she a heavily engineered singer, she has such crappy pipes that her song came out as nearly a whisper, even when she was lip synching!

Nelly Furtado's "Promiscuous Girl" won the award for best pop performance-female. I suppose it was an ok song, but I would have preferred that Shakira had won for "Hips Don't Lie"

Howie Mandel and Flava Flav introduced an act... which I don't remember... I might have Tivo'd past that. How weird was it to see them on stage together?

Wynonna and Dave (The ex Mr Carmen Electra) Navarro presented the award for male country artist of the year, which was won by Kenny (The Fraud) Chesney. I have never heard a Kenny Chesney song, and I probably never will. Lord, that guy is tiny... I read somewhere that he is a size zero... whats that all about? I know women in Hollywood aspire to look like concentration camp victims... but guys too? Freakin' disgusting.

Next, 3-6 mafia and Young Jeezy (hey, I'm not making these names up) presented the award for best R&B/hip hop artist. These guys are all drunk!... and the grillz!... and the unintelligible speech! Nooooooooooo! Mary J. Blige won the award and dutifully gave a shout out to the Lord ("Praise God, Thank You, Jesus"). Who knew that Christ bought records?

Then came Bow Wow & Akon (pronounced ICON?), to introduce Fergie, who sang “Fergillicious” I realy couldn't understand much of what she was saying, but, at least she didn’t try to dance and sing... and she clearly wasn't lip synching.

Kat McPhee (smokin' hot)& Chris Daughtry (still bald) presented the award for best rock album: The nominees were James Blunt, Nickleback, and The Red Hot Chili Peppers. I thought that it was a lock for the Peppers, but Nickleback won, instead! Whats that all about? I don't even know any Nickleback songs. I'm so old. The Peppers were robbed, dude!

NOTE: There was a commercial on for the new season of 24>. I have never seen the show... have any of you? It looked really cool. Maybe I should tune in.

Pharrell, Young Jeezy, and Ludacris were up next to perform some song whose lyrics I couldn't undertstand... Ziiiiip! The beauty of Tivo!

While Jesse McCartney and Kathy Griffin were presenting the award for Soundtrack of the year, Jesse actually smakced Kathy on the ass! Oh, and the award went to High School Musical (a Disney Channel movie, if you can believe it).

Chris Angel, and some group of Pussycat Doll-like women presented for Rap artist of the year, which was won by some guy named T.I.

Is it just me, or does Denise Richards really seem stupid? She has a voice like Minnie Mouse, and her hair looked like someone had put a hairspray grenade on her head!

Oh God! Now Gwen Stefani is yodeling! No, really! This song (Wind It Up) really blows!!!!

Carmen Electra and Crhis Katan (filling in for Paris Hilton present for best female artist... and Chris keeps saying "That's Hot!", which I found funny in a sophmoric way. Oh, Rianna won the award. I have heard that she is very good, but I don't really know her music.

Kristin Bell and some dudes from Def Leopard (I couldn't have ID'ed any of them without a prompt, I'm telling you.) presented for best rock single... the Chili Peppers were robbed again!

After the Big Award for Tony Bennett, Nas introduced Mary J. Blige, who sang a song that I Tivo'd past.

Carrie Underwood won for Best Album of the year! Ok, to be fair, I am not much of an aficionado of R&B, Rap, or Country, but I have a bit of a problem when the album of the year goes to a woman that sings songs about vandalizing her ex-boyfriend's truck. I heard that song on the radio the other day and was horrified. I think it is called "Next time he cheats".

Courtney Love and The Killers were next. Confession: I think Courtney Love is kinda hot… in a dirty sort of way. They presented Chris Brown with the artist of the year award. I never heard of this kid either... jeez.

Kid Rock performed "Tush" with one of the guys from ZZ Top... Is it just me or is Kid seriously bereft of talent?

That closed up the award show... how pathetic that I was taking notes while I watched, huh?

Good thing I has a wee nip of single malt to go with it, else I wouldn't have been able to get through it all!

Um, have I ever told you all that I really enjoy award shows?

I should probably keep that to myself... don't tell anyone.


Janet M. Kincaid said...

You're admitting to liking awards shows? Hm. What I want to know is, do you throw an Oscar party every year? And, if you do, do you dress up as your favorite movie character?

Actually, I use to really enjoy awards shows when it was just the Emmy's, the Oscars, the Tony's, the Golden Globe's, and BET. Now, everything and everyone has an awards show. It's too much. I can't keep up. I'm surprised there isn't an awards show for awards shows (or maybe there is and I just don't know about it...)

Get summary of the Billboard Music Awards!

Janet said...

It's definitely not just you about Kid Rock. Honest!

Happy early Birthday, lovely Bill!

I may not be online tomorrow so I want to get it in now just in case.

Gunfighter said...

Janet in DC, meet my dear friend Janet in Michigan!


No. I don't do Oscar parties... gaah! I couldn't be bothered as
I am A.) not that sociable in person. Besides, it is rare that I have seen any of the nominated movies... I don't get out much.

The award shows that I watch are: The Oscars, Golden Globes, Emmys, MTV Music, VH1, and Billboard, although Billboard isn't my favorite. Oh, I also watch the SA awards.

Michigan Janet,

Thanks for the birthday wish, my dear friend. Lets have a talk soon... we can gloat about our November vctories!

WordsRock said...

If someone could please explain the appeal of Flava Flav, I'd be forever in their debt.

I heard a clip of Gwen yodeling just this morning. It was bizarre in an interesting way. I think I liked it...

Bill's got a birthday coming up? Woot! Happy happy!

Deborah said...

40 minutes was all I could muster. You are trooper!

Janet M. Kincaid said...

Thanks for clarifying that. For a minute there I thought I was losing it and entering the twilight zone of dementia. Hello, Janet in Michigan!

And Happy Birthday, sir! May this be a year of blessing and continued happiness for you.

vasilisa said...

Great round-up. I watched part of the awards, but it was just too boring... (And I don't have TiVo).

Nickelback is OK... Though maybe has to do with the fact that I'm Canadian :-)

Janet Jackson -- I couldn't actually make out the song. It was all dance/beats/etc, and a bit of her voice here and there. I honestly would not recognize the song if I heard it again. And I have pretty good musical memory.

And Gwen Stephani... Let's just say I used to like her music. I'm not really sure that's what she's doing now. This was probably the least musical song I've ever heard...

I think I dozed off through the rest of the show...

Grimm said...

Man, I hereby declare you the official reviewer of all award shows.

It saves me the 2-3 hours of having to watch them.

I feel really old as I cannot identify 90% of the performers who won or was mentioned. I need to go back to the 80's.

Janet said...

Hello Janet in DC. Nice to meet you.

I saw a bit of the Janet Jackson thing on YouTube and I was trying to give her the benefit of the doubt and assume that she was poorly miced. (sp?) But when she was just saying "woo" and such it came over loud and clear so it was obviously just her. Sad to see my (our) name dragged through iniquity like that.