Friday, July 20, 2007

Shoot 'Em Up Friday!

Dear Gentle woodland folk of the blogosphere,

Today is Friday, and you know that Friday is special. Friday here, at The View From Here, is not dissimilar from Wednesday in the North End of Boston (oh, somebody hit me with the reference... I will love you for it!). It is a day of regularly scheduled activity, that some of you have been waiting for.

That's right, kids. It's Shoot 'Em Up Friday!

Today is the day that I would normally shoot something to bits, and then teach you a little about guns/ammunition.

But not today...

Nope.

Uh-uh.

I'm not even going to pretend that what I am showing you today has any sort of practicality. There is no lesson on ballistics. There are no teaching points about tactics or the proper use of available cover.

This post about my love hatred of Crocs.

I hate Crocs.

I hate imitation Crocs.

I think they are ghastly.

As I said in my previous anti-Crocs post, a few weeks ago, Crocs are evil and they must be destroyed... well, dear friends, today is the day to do just that.

Behold:

What you see here are a pair of imitation Crocs... Imitation Crocs that used used to belong to a certain soccer-playing child that has since grown out of them.

As much as these shoes deserve their trip to the garbage can, they aren't quite ready yet... so, I have glued them to a neatly painted, and not-so-neatly lettered cardboard target backing. Just think of it as a very large greeting card from me, to all of you!

As you are all aware, I am rather fond of shotguns. When it comes to blowing holes in people or things, shotguns can hardly be beaten at gunfight ranges. However, despite my love of shotguns, I thought that I would change things up a bit, and just use my pistol.

So, after hanging up our lovely greeting card, I set myself (and my pistol) to the task of making holes in the aforementioned horribly ugly shoes.

I decided that four magazines worth of .357 rounds ought to do quite nicely, so I loaded my pistol and began putting (additional) holes in the shoes... and feeling rather good about it. **REMINDER** a magazine for the type of pistol that I was using holds twelve rounds.

When I had finished shooting, the shoes looked like what you see here at the left.

I was somewhat disappointed that they didn't look terribly worse for the wear, so rather than loading another four magazines, I did what any prudent gunfighter would do when his/her pistol is getting the job done. At this point someone will almost certainly ask: "Gee, Gunfighter, what WOULD a prudent gunfighter do when his pistol doesn't seem to be doing the expected job?" The answer is: "Go get a shotgun!" Which is precisely what I did!


I loaded comrade Remington with 5 rounds of buckshot, and went to work.

Here are your results...

This is a little more like it!

I think that these Crocs won't be bothering anyone else.





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As I said, gentle readers, I wanted to give you a lovely greeting card, to not only thank you for reading my blog, but also for taking the time to indulge me in my Croc-Bashing.

Have a good weekend!

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25 comments:

CableGirl said...

The sad thing is that Crocs are so ugly that you can hardly tell the difference between the before and after photos. lol

bellevelma said...

Yay! Now please go gather all the other crocs in this world and do the same to them. You'd be doing us all a favor. Please?

Whiskeymarie said...

It never occurred to me to shoot ugly old shoes. Hmmm...

And, crocs need to die.
Shooting is too good for them.

BETTY said...

ok funny little croc story (i have never worn or owned a pair)

well my old manager's daughter had on her crocs when they went to canopy lake park. Well I guess they took the kid on the swings and she kept yelling "there's are in my crouch" Needless to say everyone was looking at them like they were out of thier minds.

Well she get's off the ride and the mother asks what were you saying apparently it was "there's air in my crocs!"

just made me laugh

Leslie said...

I LOVE shoot 'em up Friday, but I've got a confession...I bought a pair of Crocs. No, no. Wait. I bought two. And then a pair for Julia. Nothing so wrong has ever felt so right. Gunfighter, I warn you - don't ever try a pair on - ever. You will want to wear them again and again and again. Damn, they're comfy shoes. So comfy, you'll say to yourself, "I feel like I'm standing on a cloud in heaven. Who cares what the world thinks. I love my Crocs!"

They really are comfortable.

I hope we can still be friends.

Gunfighter said...

Leslie,

We can still be friends... I think. As for wearing them...

I.

wouldn't.

be.

caught.

dead.

DangerDoll said...

You've done a public service, GF! I loathe Crocs, and Dangerette has been asking for a pair forever. Why? Well, c'mon...everybody else has 'em!

Cablegirl said it: The difference is negligible at best. Makes me actually long for the days of those horrible Jellies. Ugh.

Fourier Analyst said...

Okay, North End Boston-- Little Italy... My guess is Sopranos? Was it on Wednesdays? Sorry GF, but as I've only ever seen it once and don't know US TV schedules, I'm just guessing you are making a reference to your favorite shoot-em-up program. Am I close?

I agree with cablegirl, the Crocs don't really look any worse for the wear, which just goes to show you how ugly they were in the beginning!

Melanie said...

I agree with cablegirl!

Alex Elliot said...

I will agree that Crocs are terribly ugly. They never look good no matter. No outfit is ever going to be incomplete without a pair of Crocs. That being said, I love that my son can get them on himself without whining for help and more importantly that I can hose them off after he's been running through mud etc. Not to mention they're great at the splash pad. I enjoyed your post, though! Thanks for your comment on my McDonald's post today.

Adventures In Waitressing said...

I think they are the ugliest shoes next to the Jelly shoes that were so popular in the 80's. Sad to say, that they really don't look much different. Actually, scary is more like it.

AKA Real Life Drama Queen

Anali said...

Was the reference to Prince Spaghetti day?

And man!!! You really hate Crocs!! I could tell before that you seriously disliked them, but wow!!! ; )

Janet said...

No, I didn't think you were joking. I do find myself wishing you had a flamethrower at your disposal, but I suspect that might have produced toxic fumes.

Paige said...

Ill send you my kid's if you want to have at them.

Say the word.

soccer mom in denial said...

"ANTHONY!!!!" the mama yells from the 3rd story window and yes, Prince spaghetti day it was.

In high school (mid-1980's) I got to march through the North End on Columbus Day leading a high school marching band. Little old ladies leaned out of their windows with big pillows on the ledges waving Italian flags. It looked just like the Prince ad.

And I cannot stand crocs. Not that I would shoot them. I just won't spend money on them. Unlike a certain soccer girl's dad.

Jenn said...

Haha they are pretty ugly.

Flipflops only!

Bubblewench said...

ba ha ha ha ha. Excellent

Rebecca said...

You shot the crocs???

Forgetting your meds AGAIN? (you know I'm only teasing)

Mamma said...

sniff sniff

Sad crocs.

CDPJ said...

Thank you for this. I thought I as the only mom in the world who wasn't wearing or buying Crocs!

SusieJ said...

Nicely done.

ewe are here said...

hahahahaha

I hate the d*mn things, too. They're hideous! And, yet, they're everywhere!

Christy said...

Oh, all my girls have these ugly things, lol. They love them! They make me think of smurfs, does anyone remember what Smurf shoes look like?

Alexis said...

I wish there were video of this fabulous event. I would like to relive the death of the crocs a few more times. In slow motion. With sound.

Gunfighter said...

Alexis,

See this blog on this coming Friday... there will be video!